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Just Ask Jesus: What needs to happen for my marriage to improve?

Jan 12, 2017

What would Jesus say if you asked Him some of the toughest questions of life?  Let’s find out!  Just ask Jesus and you can know how to face the worries, fears and concerns of life.

Hi, I’m Patty Sadallah, PhD student and multiple hat wearer at Christian Leadership University.   I’m also a Christian Author working on a new book series called Just Ask Jesus.   I’d love your help with the first book of the series: How to Live a Worry Free Life.   In each post I’ll share either a journal conversation that I or someone else has had to see how Jesus helps us answer some of the tough questions of life.  Then, in the comments below, you can ask Him yourself and share what He had to say to you.  Jesus’ comments are italicized.

This dialogue journal conversation with Jesus occurred about two years ago.  See what Jesus had to say, and what happened since then.

Jesus, What needs to happen for my marriage to improve?

Lord, I see You and me at an apple tree that is full of apples. We are sitting  at the base of the tree and there are some apples that had fallen from the tree. Some have worms. Some look OK on the outside but if you take a bite, there are worms on the inside.  What do you want me to understand about this imagery?

When apples don’t stay connected to the vine, they weaken and fall. Once on the ground, separated from the tree they are exposed to elements that can hurt them. Like apples, it’s important for people to stay connected to the Vine.  You have to stay connected to Me or you will lose your lifeblood. 

I can see that the ability to have a solid marriage is dependent upon us being connected to You.    My concern is that  my  husband has a head knowledge of You but does not surrender most areas of his life to you. I have seen him move a bit closer, but he puts you on a back burner behind his exercise, his business, the house, financial responsibilities. He seems to make decisions without much thought of you. This is a challenge for me as a wife who is called to submit to his authority.  I want more for him and I want more for us.

Your job is to keep connected to Me. His heart will soften when he sees you changing more and more. Pray for him to have a hunger and thirst for Me.

I get the sense that You want me to pray the “whatever it takes” prayer for him.

Bingo!  Do you Trust ME?

Yes, with my life and my soul.

Do I want the best for you and your husband?

Yes, Lord.  whatever it takes please draw my husband and me closer to you.   Lord, transform both of us by your Almighty Power and Might because you have good plans for  us and we don’t want to miss a blessing.  He is a good man but I want him to be a great man. He can’t be that without You.   What do you want me to do?

Forgive him.

I know I need to forgive my husband for things he has done over the years to hurt this family and this marriage. I need to also take responsibility for my part in this damaging of the marriage.  I know that a three stranded chord is not easily broken, but I feel like You and I are two strands and his strand is standing on the sideline. And while I am confessing Lord, I have a hard time submitting to his authority in the marriage when I don’t see him surrendering to You and making decisions in his flesh. Please speak to me about this stuff so I can forgive him as You have commanded.

Right now the issue is you and your heart. You need to forgive him and the minute you do, your heart will soften. He is watching you and when he sees you changing that softens his heart. But, he has not caught up to his own need for Me yet.
He is missing the intimate relationship with me and still thinks he is OK by simply believing in Me. He thinks he’s OK with that present level of relationship with Me. Like you, I want more for him too. Keep praying the “whatever it takes” prayer for him. Don’t expect things to be different. Expectations will lead to disappointments, which lead to judgments. Just love him with the love that flows through you from  Me.

I want my husband to be the man You see him becoming; the man who is living the plans you have for him. Please give me a glimpse of who that man is so I can keep that prayer before me. I think it will give me more patience. Show me that glimpse.

I see us older, walking hand in hand on a vacation. Spooning when we slept. I see him reading his Bible with me. We are smiling and laughing and just enjoying time we spend together. We are biking together.

By and act of my will and for Your sake, his and mine, I choose to forgive my husband for all of the offenses that he has ever caused in our marriage. I forgive myself the the role I played to hurt the relationship too.  Throw them away in the deep blue sea Lord so that he and I can remember them without pain. Heal us and let us begin anew today. Clean my heart with the Power of Your Blood. Make me think, act and love more like YOU. Thank you Lord and THANKS FOR THE GLORY BUMPS! In Jesus Name, Amen.

Since then our marriage has really grown.  We do pray together, spend time and really enjoy each other so much more.  He could see a change in me and without me pushing, he began taking bible classes, listening to Christian teachers on the radio, praying with me about more things.  We have really transformed.  It began with forgiveness, the “whatever it takes” prayer and a surrendering to the Lord.  Staying in conversation with Jesus along the way keeps us moving forward with our eyes fixed on Jesus.

Now it’s your turn.  Ask Jesus the same question and share below what He had to say or what you learned from it.

If you would like to be able to Ask Jesus questions like we do in many of our blogs and have Him answer back to you personally, we can show you how.  Please see our foundational teaching on 4 Keys to Hearing God's Voice.  If you already know how to have these conversations, join the discussion and share what Jesus is saying to you!